In the last couple of years I’ve done five things that have helped me find a clearer direction for my life. I wanted to share them with you. Some are easier to do than others. Some might not be for you, but for me, they’ve made a remarkable difference to my quality of life.
1. Take some time out
I’ve blogged about the eight month sabbatical I took with my wife and daughter elsewhere on this site. Admittedly, it took me pretty much hitting the buffers with work and stress before I did, but simply put, it was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I got to create some new narratives and stories with my beloved life partner, and I got to see my wonderful daughter grow up. You know the Caterpillar and Butterfly Rooms in Toy Story 3’s Sunnyside Daycare? I saw my little girl metamorphose from one to the other hourly. It was one of life’s most special gifts.
If you have time to step back from your workaday routine. Do it. Really, what else is life for?
2. Get a coach
When I got back to the UK, one of the first things I did was appoint a coach – my very good friend, Sara Robinson. I wanted to make sure I’d really bedded in the learning I’d done while globe-trotting. I wanted to face some hard decisions about how I was going to create my future life. I knew that this was going to be as much about what I would not do again, as what I would do. Sara got me to write absolutely every job I’d done since I’d started working. From managing Izit with Tony Colman and producing records, to consulting with the Nike Foundation. It ran to around ten pages. She then got me, line by line, to look at whether each job had moved my soul. Here’s the thing. Before I did the task, I thought I’d know the answer to that question. But it wasn’t the way it turned out. The pattern I saw was that I hate running events. I’ve put on some really great events, but attending to the relentless detail, alongside thriving under the stress of filling a venue is something that I don’t do best. When it comes to events, what I’m best at is finding a gap (even in a culture-saturated market like London), designing the event, then selling the idea to others, to build a team. So out of my coaching with Sara, the big take-away was to stop producing events myself, and concentrate on what I do best: research, insight and provocative strategy. If a recommended output of my strategy or provocation is an event, then that’s for someone else to produce. If you see me producing one again, in my fitful sleep, on the rare occasions when I break the event-induced insomnia, feel free to take a leaf from Chief Bromden’s book, and put a pillow over my face.
3. Try Landmark Forum
After about three years of cajoling, I finally gave into two good friends and took their advice to follow them and do the Landmark Forum. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a three day course that gives you tools both to complete your past and create your future. If you have heard of it, but haven’t done the Forum yourself, let me assure you it’s not a cult. Yes, sometimes it does a convincing impression of one, but it’s not. Okay, it’s got hokey jargon, mind-meltingly long, intense days and an incessant emphasis on recruiting your friends to come and do the Forum too but, really, it’s not a cult. Armed with the techniques they teach (from what I could make out is a mix of NLP, Buddhism and Csikszentmihalyi’s positive thinking that they call “technologies”. Yes, I cringed too) you’re free to deploy this learning in your day to day life. After the weekend I resolved to forgive and heal some old wounds. I spoke to my long-estranged sister, fixed a problem with an in-law and, most remarkably, called my biological father and spoke to him for the first time in over twenty years. The Landmark Forum works and it helps.
4. Journal to set goals and track your journey
Just before I did Landmark Forum, my wife bought me a book. It’s called the Daily Greatness Journal. It’s a prompted diary, to “consciously create your days” beautifully laid out. It takes a while to start – before you get to the diary bit, there are around 10 pages of questions to answer about who you are and what you want out of your life. But they’re worth persevering with. I finished mine and was ready to start my daily entries just before the weekend I did the Landmark Forum. I was half wondering if, once I’d completed the Forum, all the work I’d put into answering these questions would be for nought, as the blinding flashes of inspiration that I’d surely receive over my long three days would render this work useless. Or Landmark would be made more useful, coming after a background of a lot of solid personal spade-work. I was relieved to find it was the latter. Since the Forum weekend, I’ve kept the journal everyday, and I can honestly say that it works. Every day I follow the Daily Greatness Journal’s prompts and think about what I’d like to accomplish each day (“manifesting” I think self-help junkies would call it). I have to create affirmations about what I am each day and live my days by these. This, to be honest can be a mixed blessing to people around me. One evening my wife asked if I’d done a chore she needed me to take care of. “Sorry love” I replied. “Today I was being ‘relaxed’, ‘friendly’ and ‘present’. If you want anything done, you’ll have to catch me when I’m ‘focussed’ or ‘effective’!”, but for me, it makes me feel great. In the evening, I review what I’ve done against my daily, weekly, quarterly and annual targets. Now my days are better directed and more active.
5. Practice Yoga
I’m lucky enough to be married to one of the most talented yoga teachers in the world. So what stopped me from doing yoga for so long? At first the answer was that I wanted to leave this “territory” to her (we have enough lives that overlap, without me getting in on her yogic life too), but that was years ago. The honest answer was that it was uncomfortable. I didn’t like what it felt like to stretch. Around steps 3 and 4 above, I decided to honour my wife’s passion for yoga and explore it properly. I did it daily for a couple of weeks and guess what? The stretching’s not uncomfortable any more. It’s like a welcome challenge – like being breathless after a sprint, or feeling my legs burn as I cycle up a steep hill. I’ve now created the possibility of being both fit and flexible. Yoga. It’s great. Who knew?
So where’s all this navel gazing got me?
If you’re a cynical Londoner, this might not be language you’re used to, but I can safely say that I’m the happiest I can remember being. I’ve got a work direction that for the first time in years feels clear achievable and like it could become my life’s calling. And a home life that’s reaping the benefits of my happiness.
So that’s what’s worked for me. I’d love to hear what works for you. What have you tried to create a more complete, balanced, happier life? Get in touch!
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